Tirahan

Tirahan : Isa sa mga Pangungahing Pangangailangan sa Buhay

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The Mother Load

Posted by Tirahan Nov 25, 2008

     I do have this fantasy, of being with mother. making love to her, fucking her, eating her sweet pussy. when i was very young, my mother would walk around the house naked. i would go into the bathroom while she was taking a bath. she had the most perfect body that i had ever seen. she was a large woman, not fat, but tall and large. she had perfect tits, big with large nipples, nice pretty hairy pussy. Please reply to Mack at XXXXXXXXXXX.



There's a reason your mother kicks you out of the womb after nine months.

She's tired of you squatting in her personal space, you eat all the food without asking, your presence turns her into an emotional wreck, and you don't have a job.

Which is basically the same reason she kicked you out of the house at 27.

Believe me, she doesn't want you back inside of either.

Having a mother/son fantasy is fine. Disgusting as hell, but ok, fine. Whatever floats your boat. Apparently amniotic fluid floats yours.



However, your personal ad may have been more effective if you just didn't include all those nasty details. Sure, you may have just been exploring your fantasy, but I haven't seen that many female knees slam shut since David Gest walked into a fertility clinic with his fly undone, an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue, and a test tube full of testicular discharge. Which, at his age, is likely composed largely of sawdust.

Man, I'm not going to be able to get my dick hard for a month.


Best Oral Sex

Posted by Tirahan

     Hello ladiez of Las Vegas. Let me introduse myself my name is Kent from summerlin area of Las Vegas. Would you like a night of intense oral plesure? Becase thats what i'm here for just your oral pleasure.Not like most guyz I know where your clit is and will focus on it for hourz strait to totally get you off. I am young and full of cum, redy to lick your clit and gspot, clean only, i will keep you interested. no smelly ugly girls. Kent XXX-XXX-XXXX

WWHM would seriously like to know who's handing out all these oral awards we see in personal ads. "I'm the best in the Mid-Valley!" "Best in Manhattan!" and "Best oral ever!" More importantly, we want to know who is judging all these competitions. With that much stimulation, her pussy must look like a giant bee sting.



Today we meet Kent, a 19 year-old man so confident in his oral abilities that he promises to "keep you interested." Way to set a low bar for yourself, Kent. That's like paying $1000 to a call girl who promises to keep you "semi-hard."

Rustling leaves outside a window can keep a woman "interested" Kent, but to keep her interested in the bedroom you need to look for more subtle signs. If she moans lightly or shifts her hips, that's a good sign you've garnered her interest. Conversely, if she starts vacuuming the foyer while you're going down on her, you may want to sharpen your technique.

Kent plans to "totally get you off" by spending hours focusing directly on your clitoris. Which is kind of like offering a woman a complete home makeover, then just painting the chimney. Think of it like a mosquito bite- it feels really good if someone scratches on it or around it for a little bit, but if you scratch it directly on it for hours on end, someone's going to end up with a fucking 2 X 4 right in the throat.

Perhaps as a testament to the preparation he's putting in to your encounter, Kent has also included a crudely drawn diagram of a vagina inscribed with the words "lick here." I'm not saying it's a cheat sheet, but if he starts peeking at his palms while he goes down on you, feel free whack him in the head with a ruler. A picture may be worth 1,000 words Kent, but in your personal ad a picture is worth two: No thanks.

Words say a mouthful, and the words in your personal ad quiver as they say "Oh God, I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing here." Believe me, there's a difference between performing cunnilingus on a woman and eating a bowl of Grape Nuts between her legs. And if you're going to "lick her G-spot", then I need to ask you to please keep at least three feet away from my ice cream cone.

Thanks to Kent however, WWHM plans to produce our own nationwide "Best Oral" competition next year to avoid further confusion in men's personal ads.

That's right folks, get ready for the 2009 Vulvies Awards.


How To Fuck Up a Wedding

Posted by Tirahan Nov 24, 2008

     Women love weddings- you're witnessing the ultimate expression of committed love, the heartfelt promises two people make for the future, and the limitless opportunites of growth and happiness the bride and groom can explore after exchanging vows.

Men love weddings too. Beer is free, you can bang the bridesmaids whose loins are quivering like a bunch of hairless cats in Fairbanks, and it's perfectly acceptable to pass out in a patch of church shrubs with a ham sandwich on your face and a gallon of ranch dressing in your tux shirt. Just another day in paradise.

When weddings go wrong though, 95% of the time it's the drunk guys fault.




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Gene Simmons Sex Video

Posted by Tirahan Nov 1, 2008

     The bassist for the rock band KISS and star of the reality TV show Gene Simmons, has a sex tape that's all over the Internet.

After Gene Simmons Sex Tape was Released, Gene Simmons' Lawyer Confirms Sex Tape's Authenticity, then Gene Simmons is Suing Over Sex Tape. Gene's l ong-time live-in girlfriend and mother of his two children Shannon Tweed who is also Playmate of the Month November 1981, Playmate of the Year 1982 reacted supportively of his lover.

Gene Simmons Dismisses New Sex Tape. The new sex tape featuring a blonde model and Gene Simmons have emerged, which the Kiss Bassist has dismissed immediately as a thing from his past. Girl In Gene Simmons Sex Tape is Elsa, an Australian spokesmodel for Frank's Energy Drink.



Criselda Volks Video Scandal

Posted by Tirahan

     That sexy star Criselda Volks has a scandal video and take note, it is not just a one time video but a four part series ( matuk nyo! ).; And Ogie Diaz, recently aside from being a columnist WAS a Radio and TV Personality, is sure that it is really Criselda Volks in the video and is being ‘abused’ by a Malaysian National. It’s not like there is a I am Malaysian tattooed in his forehead or wherever (LOL), so I don’t know why Ogie would identify the guy as Malaysian though.



This is what Ogie wrote in his Philippine Journal column:


Kung ilalarawan ang napanood naming apat na video ay “nakakaawa” talaga si
Criselda Volks.
Hindi maipagkakailang siya ’yung nasa video na nakahiga sa
kama at “sinasamantala” ng isang Malaysian.
Gusto naming murahin nang
bonggang-bongga ’yung lalaki, dahil “nagamit” na nga niya ’yung katawan nu’ng
babae, talagang kinunan pa niya ng video.
Ginawa nitong “bading” si
Criselda.
Honestly, hanggang ngayon, natutulala pa rin kami kapag naaalala
namin ang video na ipinakita sa amin. Parang gusto pa rin naming maniwala na
hindi si Criselda ’yon at hindi rin siya ’yung nakatuwad na babaing may maliit
na tattoo sa kanang pisngi ng puwet.



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